No matter how much he begs you, do NOT take your helper monkey to see this movie.
Studio: 20th Century Fox Director: Matt Reeves Writers: Rick Jaffa & Amanda Silver and Mark Bomback, based on characters by Rick Jaffa & Amanda Silver and Matthew Weiner
As both a follow-up to 2011′s Rise of Planet of the Apes and spin-off of AMC’s Mad Men, this hybrid sequel/prequel/reboot/off-shoot is as loud as it is contemplative. Initial fears of Apes franchise fans (“Apies” as they like to be called) that the inclusion of Don Draper was nothing more than a crass attempt by cynical Hollywood execs to appeal to the Asian youth market prove to be unfounded. The story of a group of primates who team up with a legendary ad man to subjugate the remnants of humanity is a universal tale that, much like the titular Don, transcends time and space. Director Reeves deftly melds the two juggernaut franchises into a singular epic so seamless, you will shit your pants. Domestic returns should be strong and Jon Hamm’s immense popularity among North Korean youths should only bolster the film’s international box office to boot.
Don of the Planet of the Apes was originally set to bow immediately following the series finale of Mad Men, but with the 2nd half of that show’s final season pushed back to 2015, it remains to be seen just how Don Draper winds up where he does at the beginning of the film. We can gather this much, though: At some point in the early 1970s, Don Draper becomes an astronaut and volunteers for a solo mission to the outer reaches of the solar system.
Upon returning to a scorched Earth and discovering everyone he’s ever known and loved has either been killed by a viral pandemic or at the hands of a blood-thirsty ape, Don Draper retreats to a cave where he spends the bulk of the first act futilely shoving his penis into any hole that presents itself, praying for a release that can never come. When ape-leader Caesar stumbles upon Draper’s lair, Draper’s first instinct is to have sex with him. When that doesn’t work, Draper further retreats into an even deeper cave.
Caesar is played by Andy Serkis, who was filmed with the latest in “motion capture” technology. The director’s bold choice to leave actor Serkis and his gear untouched in several shots, though, could be confusing for some viewers.
During an early confrontation with a tribe of belligerent humans, Draper sides with the Apes and proves his worth by shrugging back the oncoming forces. Soon thereafter, Don Draper is back in peak form, having not only negotiated his way fully into the Ape clan, but getting a named partnership, too.
Outside of Don Draper, though, the human characters are practically non-existent. I think Felicity may have been in the movie, but I’m not sure. I wasn’t really paying attention.
One of the perks of being a (mostly) freelance writer — always a change of scenery. I do a lot of my work out-and-about, at various places on the Westside of Los Angeles. My writer-friends are always asking me what I think of certain spots so I figured, what the heck, why I don’t just review them all? First up is the Coffee Bean on North Beverly Drive in Beverly Hills, which is not to be confused with the Coffee Bean on South Beverly Drive (just a few blocks away) or the one on Beverly Blvd (about a mile away).
Location: Heart of “downtown” Beverly Hills on the corner of N. Beverly Dr. and Little Santa Monica Blvd. (Do people still call it Little Santa Monica? Or is just South Santa Monica now, which is confusing because it runs parallel to North Santa Monica?)
Parking: It’s near two city-run garages that offer free parking for up to 2 hours before 6pm. Nice.
Seating: By my count, at least 20+ inside. Another 10+ outside. In total, 8 two-tops, two “lounge-y” areas with more plush seating, one larger table that three or four people could sit around, and two bars. One is a communal “power bar” that seats 7 with individual outlets for every seated patron. There’s also a slimmer bar against the wall that sits another half-dozen people who don’t care about power (or having their backs stared at by people waiting for their drinks).
Food & Drink: Same selection as any other Coffee Bean as far as I could tell.
Typical Customer: Appears to be mostly people who don’t want to wait in line at the more crowded Starbucks across the street. The power bar attracts laptop wielders willing to sacrifice space for some much needed juice.
Amenities: Public bathroom. Lots of the aforementioned electrical sockets.
Wifi: Typical Coffee Bean wifi (i.e. requires a passcode that is readily visible on their infotainment screen). At 11:50am on a Monday, with two laptop users, a guy on an iPad, and a couple smartphones appearing to be on the network, the download speed was 4.38Mbps. I haven’t run this official speed test anywhere else yet, but based on personal experience, I have a feeling it’ll beat the other coffeehouses in the neighborhood (two Starbucks, a Peet’s, and another Coffee Bean). The upload was a dismal 0.51Mbps. So don’t plan on Skyping, but you know what? You should never Skype at a coffeehouse anyway. It’s tacky and hogs the bandwidth. Also worth mentioning: My Dropbox folder had no trouble syncing over the wifi, but my Google Drive folder was “unable to connect.”
Music: Currently playing “Dig A Little Deeper” by Peter Bjorn and John.
Distinguishing Trait: The gas fireplace fully encased in glass that produces no heat. Any perceived warmth comes from the emptiness of your soul (or the people sitting around you, as around it are the most popular places to sit).
Ability to do work here: Pretty good, actually. There’s almost always seating, and because it’s never all that crowded, it’s never all that loud. If you have a meeting anywhere in Beverly Hills and want to get some work done before or after, this is an excellent choice.
This is my 2nd Westside coffeehouse review. You can read the first one here.
Location: The corner of Beverly Blvd and Robertson Blvd, near The Ivy, at the end of a street full of high-end boutiques you should never actually buy anything at.
Parking: Metered parking on the street, but if you take a moment to drive through the nearby neighborhood, you should be able to find a free spot that’s good for a couple hours.
The Vibe: It’s technically in West Hollywood, but the atmosphere is all Beverly Hills circa 1995. The place is a magnet for well-to-do locals who have nothing to do during the day (and the tourists who love them). At least, the locals want you to think they’re well-off. They love to talk rather loudly about their latest “projects,” making sure everyone in the establishment knows they’re a producer/entrepreneur/investor/whatever. Posturing like that doesn’t bode well for authenticity. Either way, because most of the clientele are not confined by “jobs,” the place is always busy. Fun fact: If you see a tourist with a really nice camera that looks like he hasn’t showered in a week, he’s no tourist at all! He’s actually a paparazzo waiting for a reality “star” to show at one of the many Kitsons on the block. (Yes, I said many Kitsons, as in more than one. FYI: The last time an actual celebrity shopped at Kitson was in 2006.) How do the paparazzi know when a wannabe celebrity is coming to the block? Because the “star” tips them off. (Another thing that doesn’t bode well for authenticity.)
Seating: Inside there’s room for about 16 to sit (6 two-tops, 1 larger table). Outside there are several more tables, but they’re mostly lined up against a long bench with oddly placed armrests that limit the number of people who can sit there. Whether inside or outside, if you can find a seat, the good news is that it’s probably within reach of an electrical outlet. The outlets can be hard to spot (one is even in the ceiling), but they are there if you look for them.
Wifi: Typical Starbucks wifi powered by AT&T. As I write this, with four customers using laptops and a few more using tablets & smart phones also possibly on the network, I’m getting a maximum download speed of less than 1Mbps. 0.89 to be exact. That blows. It’s so slow, I couldn’t even post this review from the cafe. I had to cross the street to use the wifi at a Coffee Bean to post it. Because Starbucks’ wifi networks aren’t password protected, there’s probably a lot more people on it than there appears to be.
Food & Drink: It’s Starbucks. If you find yourself actually coming in here and waiting in line for something to drink, it’s only because you really wanted to tell people you went to Starbucks.
Music: Currently playing something that I can’t make out.
Distinguishing Feature: The $100,000+ car with a handicapped placard parked just outside at an expired meter, driven by an asshole who clearly has full use of all their limbs and not a single shred of decency.
Ability to get work done here: If you need Starbucks-branded coffee and can find a seat, sure, you could get some work done if you really have to. But you’ll need headphones, a high tolerance for Persian cologne, and blinders if you’re easily distracted by sideboob. Otherwise, just cross the street where the larger Coffee Bean offers more seating and better Wifi.
This one will be short, as this location can be summed up quite easily: Small.
Location: 135 N. Larchmont Blvd, between Beverly Blvd and 1st Street.
Parking: Metered on the street, but if you’re willing to walk a couple blocks, Larchmont Blvd. has free 2 hour parking on the other side of 1st Street.
Ambiance: Quaint. Feels like a Coffee Bean you might find in a mall or airport. It’s standing room only on the inside, and not because it’s busy, but because there are no seats of any kind. If you want to see one of the many famous people who live in the neighborhood (or those working at the nearby Paramount Lot), you’re better off going to the Starbucks or Peet’s across the street. (If you care about such things, which you totally shouldn’t.)
Seating Inside: Zero.
Seating Outside: Seating for 10 — 5 tables with 2 chairs each.
Amenities: No outlets to speak of. No bathroom.
Wifi: Even with no one else apparently using it, it’s a rather mediocre 1.83Mbps downstream and 0.41Mbps upstream. Servicable for reading most websites, but if you need to download/upload a big file, it’s not the best.
Music: Can’t hear what’s currently playing inside.
Ability to do work here: Not bad if you’ve got plenty of battery power, a healthy bladder, and the weather is decent. Before coming here, I went by the neighborhood’s Starbucks and Peet’s first, which are larger with more seating (especially inside), but both were packed. If one of them had inside seating available, I’d be there right now. In a pinch, though, it’ll do, as it is for me right now.
This is the Coffee Bean across from The Palazzo at Park La Brea (near the Grove). It’s nothing special. There’s ample outdoor seating. Very little indoors. It’s the kind of place the 45,000 people who live at Park La Brea probably frequent, but otherwise there’s no reason why you’d ever need to step foot in this place.
The coffee shop itself had no working wifi, and the free wifi from the neighboring motel was so bad, I couldn’t even post this short review from there.
Now, for a bigger rant about Coffee Bean overall — their smartphone app sucks. It’ll log you out right when you’re ready to pay (slowing down what should be a quick process). It works by flashing a numerical code on the screen that the barista needs to manually enter into their register. How quaint. Oh, and the app took 17 dollars from me. 17 bucks just vanished from my account. The people at CB corporate were nice enough to look into it and refund the missing money, but the manager on duty when the money actually disappeared — it happened while I was standing at the register, the barista even confirmed that the money was there, before it mysteriously disappeared — was pretty unsympathetic about the whole thing.
If you like CB’s drinks, keep going. I just can’t recommend using their app. Oh, and their rewards program is terrible. Unlike Starbucks, where any 12 drinks equals a free purchase, the CB’s reward system is point based. Every dollar spent is supposed to equal 1 point. Except it doesn’t, because they round down to the nearest dollar during each transaction. In other words, if you spend $3.95, you only get three points, and those 95 cents never get counted, ever. To get those 40 points, you’ll have to spend a lot more than $40.
Next time: I’ll review the absolute best place to get some work done if you’re near Beverly Hills/West Hollywood.
A few months ago the Corner Bakery Cafe in the Beverly Connection underwent a drastic renovation — so drastic they actually moved the entire restaurant 150 feet.
The new location is surprisingly well thought out for laptop users. The whole restaurant is lined with intimate, two-person booths, all equipped with power outlets (and there’s a bar with outlets, too). It’s spacious enough that even during the lunch rush, seating is easy to be found. The wi-fi is decent. And the menu has recently been given a once-over (and much improved in my opinion). If you’re not in the mood for a meal, the staff doesn’t mind if you just buy a drink and set-up shop either.
If you’re near the border of Beverly Hills and West Hollywood, you could do a lot worse than the new Corner Bakery. It’s one of my go-to spots now.
If you’re in Santa Monica and want to get some work done in a surprisingly accommodating space, head to the Krispy Kreme. The ambiance is intentionally designed to evoke a bygone era (think later seasons Mad Men) but not in a particularly classy or thoughtful way. The tile on the walls and the yellow/greenish color scheme has a very clinical feel to it.
What it lacks in style, though, it more than makes up in other areas for laptop slaves like me — ample seating with access to power outlets, free wifi, and, of course, a wide selection of freshly baked Krispy Kreme doughnuts — an uncommon sight in the L.A. area (and one that is largely unappreciated by the lifelong residents of surrounding Santa Monica). This location also has a Coffee Bean counter offering most (if not all) of the Coffee Bean drink menu.
Delicious doughnuts + Good caffeinated beverages + laptop-friendly seating = A decent place to kill some time and get some work done.
Krispy Kreme Santa Monica
1231 Wilshire Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90403
The New York Times “Room for Debate” section is talking about football today. They asked me to give voice to the former fans who can no longer stomach the sport. Here’s a link.
I first planned to write about using tech to improve your TV/movie pitches over Zoom back in May, but then I asked myself “how useful will this post be in a month?” and I didn’t wind up writing it. Now here we are in July and, well…I should’ve written it then.
So here’s the basic gist — I actually don’t think you should be relying too much on technical gimmickry to gussy up your pitches. You don’t need on-screen graphics or green screen effects in a Zoom pitch any more than you need them in an in-person pitch, and the more tech you incorporate, the more things can go wrong. What you do want: The best possible presentation of you and your voice.
Others have written about the importance of lighting, so I won’t belabor that point. (The key advice there: Don’t sit directly in front of a light!) And, of course, it’s best to use headphones and an external mic — any regular old earbuds or AirPods will greatly increase your experience (for both you and whoever you’re video conferencing with). Those are the bare minimum things you should be doing anyway.
But if you really want to amp up your image quality in a quick & easy — and substantial — way, you can always try ditching your computer’s built-in webcam for an external camera. Like, say, a DSLR…
IMAGE A: This is what Zoom sees when using the camera built into my MacBook Pro.IMAGE B: This is what Zoom sees when using my Sony DSLR as a webcam.
The two above images show the video preferences pane in Zoom, where it allows you to switch between cameras. Image A shows the front facing camera built into my 16 inch MacBook Pro that came out last November. Image B shows what happens when I use my five-year-old Sony DSLR (and its 35mm lens) as a webcam. The two cameras are the same distance from my face with the same exact (natural) lighting. If your laptop is older, the visual difference may be even more profound.
Built-in webcams — even on the newest laptops and tablets — have tiny lenses, tiny sensors, and are designed to flatten things out as much as possible while cramming as much into the frame as they can. With most built-in webcams, if you want your face to fill the screen, you have to practically lean over your keyboard. With a DSLR, you have much more control, especially if you have different lenses to choose from. DSLRs are also much more forgiving if you don’t have great lighting. In the above photos, I’ve got a big window to my right that overpowers all other lights in the room. The built-in webcam doesn’t like that. The DSLR doesn’t care. And DSLRs give you greater control over focus, too. You can get a nice background blur that is nearly impossible with a traditional webcam.
So how, exactly, do you use a DSLR (or other external camera like a GoPro) as a webcam that Zoom (or other video conference platforms) recognize?
If you have select Canon, Fuji, or Go Pro models, you can download free software that’ll do the trick. You just plug your camera into your computer via a USB cable, then follow the instructions in the software.
There’s also a paid software package called Ecamm Live that’ll allow you to use a number of high quality DSLRs as a webcam. If you’ve got a Nikon, Olympus, or newer Sony camera, then Ecamm Live might be able to help you. The catch? Depending on which teleconferencing platform you’re on, you might need to subscribe to Ecamm Live’s “Pro” level of service, which is $20/month, in order to connect Ecamm Live to it. (Zoom is one of those services, for example.)
Ecamm does offer a 14 day free trial, fortunately, so if you’ve got a big pitch coming up, that’s plenty of time to download it and try it out without having to subscribe. And if you ARE looking for a way to incorporate graphics and video clips into your Zoom pitch, Ecamm Live can do all that, too. So it may be worth the money for you if you plan to use all the other features it provides.
If you’re not too tech savvy, though, and would rather spend a reasonable amount of money for a one-stop solution, you should consider getting the Elgato Cam Link 4K.
This small device can turn any camera with HDMI output into a webcam.
The Cam Link 4K is a small dongle that converts the video signal from any HDMI source (i.e. from just about any digital camera) into a webcam signal that Zoom/Bluejeans/Webex/Google Meet/etc. can recognize natively.
In other words, you just plug your camera into the Cam Link, then plug the Cam Link into your computer, and that’s it. Next time you open your video conferencing software, you’ll see your DSLR as an option for calls. It’s not cheap at $130, but for many people the results are worth it.
Elgato makes a $200 adapter which is the one I use, but I think most people should be able to get away with just needing the less expensive — and easier to use — Cam Link 4K.
Note: These items are understandably VERY popular in the age of Covid, but Best Buy seems to do a decent job keeping them in stock periodically. You just need to check every so often.
I do want to stress that by no means should you run out to buy a DSLR or Go Pro because you want to use it as a webcam. This post is mainly geared towards people who already have an external camera handy. If you don’t have a stand alone camera but HATE the way you look on Zoom, there is one other thing you can consider: Using an iPhone as a webcam. Apps such as Camo will allow you to do just that. The rear-facing camera on just about any modern iPhone will blow away the front-facing camera on a laptop or tablet (even if it won’t equal the results of a DSLR).
Are their downsides to using an external camera? Yes. Even if it’s just “plug-and-play” it’s still one additional level of complexity to your set-up — i.e. one more thing that could go wrong (like sound getting out of sync). And if you’re using a still camera as a webcam, the battery might not be big enough to last for an hour long Zoom meeting (or heck, it might not even last 30 minutes), so you might need to buy a power adapter for your camra if it didn’t come with one. Oh, and all the high quality pixels in the world won’t make up for a bad internet connection, where everything might get compressed beyond recognition anyway. So there’s that, too.
And, then, even if you do wind up using a DSLR to create a broadcast-quality version of yourself for your pitch…you still gotta nail the pitch itself. No amount of image quality can compensate for a lackluster story.
Available wherever fine podcasts are sold: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or in whatever podcast playing app you prefer. Just search for “Fake Presidents,” we should be there!
The first cell phone was made in 1973, its weight was measured in pounds, not ounces, and you needed a briefcase , backpack, or large handbag to lug it around. To quote George Costanza, over the next 4 decades, cell technology was all about, well, shrinkage.
The first cell phone was made in 1973, its weight was measured in pounds, not ounces, and you needed a briefcase , backpack, or large handbag to lug it around. To quote George Costanza, over the next 4 decades, cell technology was all about, well, shrinkage.
